Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. ~ Psalm 36:5
A few close friends know that I have a wait problem.
Yes, you read that correctly, I said "wait", not "weight" (that's for another day). It's not that I can't wait. I wait all the time. In line at the grocery store. For my children to finish their assignments. Waiting is a part of life.
My struggle is that I don't always wait with patience and grace for God to move in HIS TIME. I get frustrated or maybe even doubt. I begin to wonder if the issue I've been seeking His will on is perhaps not His will after all, but my own desires being pressed into my heart.
I'm not talking about something we want and hope it's His will. I'm talking about when He tells you something and then you don't hear much more, or just enough to make you antsy until so much time passes by that you begin to question if you really heard from Him, because He touches your life in other ways, just not that particular issue.
I have been wrestling with just such an issue. It has worn me down. "Wait." Every day for nearly seven months now, just that, wait.
Some days are easier to wait than other days.
At times it has made me weary and when I have been at my weakest and not vigilant I found myself on the angry side of things instead of tempering my attitude with mercy and grace. It has been a lesson in brokenness, soul-searching and repentance.
I guess that's why winter seemed so long.
After the 2011/2012 winter-that-wasn't, I had hoped this winter would be different. I hoped there would be some snow. Cold days blended with dreary too-warm-to-snow days as I waited. We had a dusting here or a sleet storm there, maybe an inch or two that would be washed away in the rain the next day. Still, I dared hope.
It reached the point that I literally prayed for snow. It was selfish, really, but it was a hope of mine--just one pretty snow to cheer my weary heart.
Do you know what answer I received? You guessed it. Wait.
I waited all season for that snow.
By the official arrival of spring I had given up hope.
I thought, next winter. Maybe.
Then, just when my flesh failed and I resigned myself to waiting another year, He sent an absolutely gorgeous reminder of His faithfulness that He does things on HIS timetable, not ours.
Sunday, March 24, 2013, we received an abundance of snow. Nearly nine inches fell! It wasn't just some unworkable snow either; it was the best snowman-making-snow in recent memory.
It was marvelous. It was breathtaking. It was pure J-O-Y!
Stunned at the beauty, I went outside with my sons and rejoiced in the day He had made. We built snowmen and they made snow angels and chased each other with snowballs. At one point, I just looked up into the sky and whispered a very heartfelt, "thank you, Father" into the falling snow. When we finally came in, blue-lipped, soaked from head to toe and laughing with our pink cheeks stretched wide in smiles, the truth hit me.
I had given up too soon.
God is faithful. If He has a plan, we can rely on Him to reveal it when He is ready. Be prepared though, because His ways are not ours and we can fall into the trap of thinking too much time has passed when He knows what time is needed. I think that is why there are so many admonitions in the Bible that tell us to stand and overcome to the end. We cannot give up the faith that He is moving even if we can't see it.
Yes, I still wrestle with that issue, but now I KNOW He is there and He will tell me what to do when He wants me to do it. He will give me an answer when He is ready and the time is right. Until then, let the trials and tribulations perfect the patience that waiting in grace builds. Easier said than done, but well worth it.
I leave you with a challenge to not give up. Remember that He is faithful even until the end.
My brothers, count it all joy when you fall into diverse temptations (tribulations); Knowing this, that the trying of your faith works patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that you may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. James 1:2-4
Hugs & Prayers,